

I nternational Copyrighted (in England, her Colonies, and 
PS 3503 ited States) Edition of the Works of the Best Authors 

.0527 •••«••• 

08 

1918 

Copy 1 


No. 357 


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^UPID IN KHAKI 




A PLAY IN TWO ACTS 




BY 

HILLIARD BOOTH 


Copyright, 1918, By Samuel French 



PRICE 25 CENTS 


' (! 


New York 
SAMUEL FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

28-30 WEST 38th Street 


London 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 
26 Southampton Street 
STRAND 


» 















CUPID IN KHAKI 


A PLAY IN TWO ACTS 

BY 

HILLIARD BOOTH 


Copyright} 1918, By Samuel French 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 


New York 

London 

SAMUEL FRENCH 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 

PUBLISHER 

28-30 West 38th STREET 

26 Southampton Street 
STRAND 



ps> 3503 

:Q<orsjCt 


CUPID IN KHAKI 


CHARACTERS 


Sarah Stanton. 
Jessica Stanton. 
Ellen Williams. 

Maggie. 

Clyde Merriman 
Robert Telford. 
Joseph Smith... 


. A Widow. 

.Her Daughter. 
Jessica's Friend. 

.. A Maid. 

. A Captain. 

... .An Aviate7 
■ ... .A Private. 


SYNOPSIS 

Act I : Living-Room in the Stantons’ Home. 
Act II: The Same. 

Place: A Suburb of 'New York City. 

Time: The Present. 


AUG - I 1918 

©Ci.O 500S2 


n- x o 


! 











CUPID IN KHAKI 


NOTES ON CHARACTERS AND COSTUMES. 

Sarah Stanton is an attractive woman of middle- 
age ; worldly-minded and a strict parent. She 
wears an attractive house-frock. 

Jessica Stanton is a pretty girl of eighteen years, 
full of enthusiasm. She wears a becoming 
costume. 

Ellen Williams is a few years older than Jessica 
and also attractive. She wears the white uni¬ 
form of a nurse, with red-cross on sleeve, and 
white cap. 

Maggie is a stout Irish maid, dressed neatly in 
black with white cap and apron. A romantic 
nature. 

Clyde Merriman is a good looking man of twenty- 
five years. He wears the khaki uniform of a 
captain. 

Robert Telford wears the khaki uniform of an 
army aviator; he is a wholesome-appearing fel¬ 
low of Merriman’s age. 

Joseph Smith is a burly man of thirty-five years, 
homely and with red hair. He is illiterate. He 
wears the wrinkled khaki uniform of a private. 

3 


c 








• COUCH 5. DOOR TO OTHER ROOMS 

• TABLE 6. WINDOW 

7 DROP OF GARDEN 



4 


CUPID IN KHAKI 










CUPID IN KHAKI 


ACT I 

Scene: Living-room in Mrs. Stanton’s home in a 
suburb of New York City. Door to hall, l. 
Door r. to other rooms. A window at rear, 
overlooking the garden. A center-table bears 
work-basket, knitting, a pile of sewing and sev¬ 
eral wrapped packages. A couch at l. front. 
A stand at r. front bears a telephone. Book¬ 
cases at rear. Rugs, pictures, etc. The effect 
is one of comfort and good taste. The time 
is morning. Full light. 

Discovered: Sarah Stanton standing back of the 
center-table, examining the packages. Maggie 
enters l. with tzvo more packages. One is a 
photograph,—the wrapping torn. The other 
package suggests a book. 

Sarah. Another package, Maggie? 

Maggie. Two of ’em, Mrs. Stanton, they just 
come by the mail. Both for Miss Jessica! (She 
lays them on the table) 

Sarah. A table-full of birthday presents, and 
Jessica not down yet! (Takes up the square pack¬ 
age) Ah, this is from Mr. Wormley! I felt sure 
Mr. Wormley would not forget Jessica’s birthday! 
I wonder what it is? It feels like a book, but it may 
be a jewel-box! Um ! (Feels it, curious. Turns 

suddenly and secs Maggie peering over her shoul- 

' 5 




" T " t— " * ** ^ "* ^ r " p- m ■ ■■■■ . 










>6 


CUPID IN KHAKI 


der ) Maggie, you must learn to restrain your 
curiosity! Curiosity is an unworthy trait! Um, I 
believe it is a jewel-box! ( She lays it down and 
takes up the photograph ) A photograph! (She 
peers at it through the torn wrapping ) The photo¬ 
graph of a soldier! (She rips off the zvrapping, 
indignant) Another of these boys in khaki! Jes¬ 
sica has entirely too many friends in khaki! I 
never saw this one before! Do you know who he 
is, Maggie ? 

Maggie. No’m ; he ain’t never been here, I’m 
sure of that! But ain’t he handsome! ( She clasps 
her hands) 

Sarah. Handsome! Anything in khaki looks 
handsome to a sentimental female! Jessica shall 
never receive this present, at any rate! (She throzvs 
the photograph into a zvast e-basket by table) 

Maggie. (Hands raised in horror) Oh, Mrs. 
Stanton, ma’m! 

Sarah. Not a word to Jessica! I shou’d like 
to consign Clyde Merriman to the waste-basket, 
too! Mr. Wormley is Jessica’s future! 

Maggie. It must be just grand to keep company 
with a soldier-man! 

Sarah. You’ve caught the khaki-fever! Re¬ 
member my orders,—if Captain Clyde Merriman 
calls here to-day,—Miss Jessica is not at home! 
And don’t mention the photograph of this other 
man in khaki to Miss Jessica: the man had nerve 
to send her his picture! I am sure this present 
from Mr. Wormley is a jewel-box! I’ll call Jes¬ 
sica at once. Jessica! (She goes out r. Maggie 
looks after her, then leans over cautiously and pulls 
the photograph from -the zoaste-basket) 

Maggie. Ye’ll never be burnt up in the stove,— 
not while Maggie Ryan has a place for ye on her 
bureau! (She heaves a deep sigh as she looks at 
the picture. Sarah’s voice sounds off-stage) 


CUPID IN KHAKI 


7 


Sarah. Hurry along, Jessica ! 

(Maggie starts, looks around for a place to conceal 
the photograph, and hides it rear in the book¬ 
case as Sarah enters r., followed in by Jessica. 
They cross to table. Maggie pretends to dust 
the book-case.) 

Jessica. What a lot of presents! How exciting! 
(She looks over the packages quickly) It’s just 
like getting married ! 

Sarah. Here is the package you are looking 
for, Jessica. (She picks up the square package and 
hands it to Jessica) That will do, Maggie; you 

may go. 

Maggie. Yes’m. (She starts l., and turns back, 
on tip-toe, to get the photograph. Sarah sees her) 

Sarah. That’s all, Maggie ! 

Maggie. Yes’m. (Looks toward the book-case 
and exits l., with a sigh) 

Jessica. This is from Mr. Wormley! (She drops 
it, and hunts again) 

Sarah. It is,—and you are looking for a present 
from-? 

Jessica. From Clyde! 

Sarah. Since when have you called Captain 
Merriman, Clyde? 

Jessica. Since I promised to marry him. 

Sarah. Since you—! Jessica! 

Jessica. Yes,—last night. There was some¬ 
thing bumpy in his breast-pocket, and it hurt my 
head so that I- 

Sarah. (Interrupts) Your head? What was 

your head doing on his breast-pocket ? 

Jessica. Resting comfortably, thank you. When 
I asked him what the bumpy thing was, he took 
it out of his pocket and I saw it was a ring, a beauti¬ 
ful solitaire,—an engagement ring! And he put it 
on my finger and—and—that’s how we became en- 










8 


CUPID IN KHAKI 


gaged. Oh, Mother, Clyde is just the nicest thing 
in kheki I ever saw. Of course I told him I couldn’t 
marry him without your consent, but you will con¬ 
sent, won’t you? 

Sarah. Consent to your marriage with a whip- 
persnap of a soldier when a man of wealth and 
position is paying you attention? Hardly. Mr. 
Worm’ey is the man I hope to see your husband! 

Jessica. Old Wormley’s rich, but if you don’t 
consent to my marriage with Clyde, I shall die an 
old maid! 

Sarah. We shall see! You are not wearing 
your engagement ring! 

Jessica. It was too large. Clyde took it back 
to have it altered. I thought it would be here. 
(She searches among the packages) 

Sarah. I forbid you to receive that ring; I for¬ 
bid you to see Captain Merriman again! 

Jessica. You mean that? 

Sarah. I do! 

Jessica. Careful, Mother, you may drive me 
to do something rash! 

Sarah. I hope to make you marry Mr. Worm- 
ley ! 

Jessica. Oh, I shall never do anything so rash 
as that! 

Sarah. Open his present, perhaps he has sent 
you a ring also! 

Jessica shrugs, takes up the square package, cuts 
the string and unwraps a small album bound 
in red leather. She reads from the title-page.) 

Jessica. Love s Lyrics.” ( She drops the book 
to the table with a laugh) 

Sarah. I will admit I am disappointed; but the 
sentiment of his selection is most praiseworthy! 

Jessica. Mother,—why don’t you like Clyde? 


CUPID IN KHAKI 


9 

Sarah. Captain Merriman is without prospects; 
I refuse to discuss the matter! 

(Ellen Williams is heard speaking off-stage.) 

Ellen. Don’t bother, Maggie,—I’ll go right in. 
(Ellen enters l. She carries a potted-plant cov¬ 
ered with tissue-paper, which she gives to Jessica) 
Many happy returns of the day, Jessica,—and 
here’s a little present. 

Jessica. How sweet of you, Ellen! 

Ellen. Just look at my new uniform! ( Tzvirls 
around) Isn’t it grand? Careful, don’t muss it. 
Is my cap on straight? Isn’t it cute? I’ve com¬ 
pleted my first-aid-to-the-injured lessons. I’m just 
dying for someone to practise on. Isn’t someone 
here hurt ? 

Sarah. The gardener cut his finger this morn¬ 
ing. 

Ellen. The gardener! Oh, Mrs. Stanton, he 
isn’t even a soldier, and my services are for com¬ 
missioned officers only! 

Jessica. ( Removes wapping from plant) A 
potato-plant! ( She holds up a potato-plant in a 
fancy pot) Ellen, this is too much of you! 

Ellen. I knew you’d appreciate it. I wanted to 
give you something really worth while, Jessica. 
(Takes up knitting from table) Shan’t we begin 
work ? 

Sarah. By all means. Look at these pajamas 
I’ve made. (Puts hand on pile of folded goods on 
table) A dozen pair! 

Jessica. I am cutting scraps for pillows. ( She 
sits l. of table, takes basket of scraps and cuts. 
Ellen sits r. of table and knits. Sarah 'sits back 
of table and folds the last pair of pajamas, holding 
them up as she does so) 


10 


CUPID IN KHAKI 


Ellen. I hope the man who gets this sweater 
is good-looking. 

Sarah. I hope the boy who gets these pajamas 
appreciates fine sewing! I’ve put a world of work 
on them. 

Jessica. I thought you were a man-hater, Ellen! 

Ellen. I am! I don’t know what love means, 
and I don’t want to know. 

Sarah. (Picks up news paper from table as her 
eyes fall on headlines) Ah, two more spies ar¬ 
rested, and someone in this vicinity is suspected! 
I wonder if the butcher—he spoke with a German 
accent—um! (She reads. Jessica absently reaches 
over and takes the top pajama-coat from the pile 
instead of her scraps. She begins to cut it up. 
Sarah exclaims suddenly) Listen to this! As if 
we didn’t have war societies enough already! 
(Reads) “ A new society has been formed by girls 
and young spinsters, the object of which is to furn¬ 
ish wives for maimed sailors and soldiers on their 
return from war. It is realized that a wounded 
warrior has difficulty in winning a sympathetic 
wife, and the members of this society have patriot¬ 
ically pledged themselves to marry disabled de¬ 
fenders of their country’s honor ! ” 

Ellen. There’s true heroism for you! 

Sarah. I call it indecent! 

Jessica. I call it noble! Somebody has to look 
after the maimed soldiers,—why not form a society 
to systematize the work? The girls who belong to 
that society are true-hearted and self-sacrificing 
women! 

Ellen. I’ll bet they’re unattractive old maids i 1 
search of husbands. 

Jessica. (Rises, indignant) They’re nothing of 
the sort! 

Sarah. (Rises zvith a cry of protest) Jessica! 
You’ve cut up my pajamas! 


CUPID IN KHAKI 


ii 


Jessica. ( Holds up the half-destroyed pajama- 
coat) So I have! 

(Bell off-stage. Sarah snatches the coat from 
Jessica, and looks quickly l.) 

Sarah. It’s Captain Merriman ! 

Jessica. Yes,—it’s Clyde! 

Sarah. I’ll see that Maggie does her duty! ( She 
exits l.) 

Jessica. (As they look off l.) He’s gone ! Ellen, 
we’re engaged, and Mother won’t even let me see 
him ! 

(Clyde Merriman enter's cautiously r.) 

Merriman. Jessica! 

Jessica. (As they turn and see him) Clyde! 
(She runs to meet him) How did you get in? 

Merriman. By the back door! Maggie put me 
wise. What’s the matter? 

Jessica. Mother won’t listen to our engagement. 
She wants me to marry Mr. Wormley because he’s 
a banker and rich ! Sh ! # I hear her ! 

Ellen. I’ll keep watch in the hall. When you 
hear me whistle three times,—fly! 

Merriman. You’re a brick, Miss Williams! 

Ellen. First-aid-to-the-injured! (She laughs 
and exits l.) 

Jessica. Clyde, I’ve thought of a way to outwit 
Mother! 

Merriman. So have I. Here’s the ring. (He 
takes a diamond ring from his pocket and slips it 
on Jessica’s finger) All we have to do is to get a 
marriage-license, round up Bob Telford and Miss 
Williams as witnesses, go before a minister,—and 
Mother can say what she likes! 

Jessica. I can’t run away with you, Clyde. And 
who is Bob Telford? 


12 


CUPID IN ICHAKI 


Merriman. He’s my chum, he’s going to be 
our best man, he’s an aviator and a woman-hater. 
I sent you his photograph yesterday; didn’t*you get 
it? It showed him in unifom. 

Jessica. Never saw it. No, it isn’t here. It 
must have miscarried. 

Merriman. Good old Bob,—you’ll like him 
when you meet him. Well, what’s your plan? 

Jessica. There’s a new society, formed bv girls 
for the purpose of marrying maimed sailors and 
soldiers on their return from war. Isn’t it noble 
of them ? 

Merriman. Good Lord! Haven’t the sailors 
and soldiers anything to say about it? 

Jessica. I have joined that society! 

Merriman. You? ( Half rises from his chair ) 

Jessica. I wanted to encourage the work, and I 
thought I should be safely married to you before 
I was needed as a maimed wife,— I mean the wife 
of a maimed man. 

Merriman. You pledged yourself to marry a 
maimed soldier ? 

Jessica. Yes,—isn’t it lucky? 

Meriman. Lucky ? 

Jessica. All you have to do is to lose a leg, don’t 
you see ? Then I will marry you and we’ll be happy 
for life. I’ve pledged myself to marry a maimed 
soldier, so nothing Mother can say will make any 
difference. 

Merriman Which—which leg must I lose? 

Jessica. Either leg, or an arm will do. 

Merriman. Why not my head ? 

Jessica. Now you’re making fun of me! 

Merriman. I’ve lost my head over you already, 
that’s why I’m a little dazed. Suppose I’m not 
wounded? Lots of the boys don’t get hit, you 
know! 

Jessica. Now don’t borrow trouble, Clyde! 


CUPID IN KHAKI 


13 


Merriman. Trouble? Of course I shall feel 
all cut up if I come through this war without a 
scratch, but frankly, I don’t like this one-arm-love 
idea! I need both arms for the best expression of 
my feelings! (He draws Jessica to the coach, l. 
front. As he doe's so, three whistles sound off¬ 
stage) 

Jessica. Ellen’s signal! It’s Mother! 

(Merriman slides off the couch backzvards and hides 
behind it. Jessica crosses to the table. Sarah 
enters l., her hat on.) 

Sarah. I’m going to run over to see Mr. Worm- 
ley’s sister, Jessica. Shall I thank Mr. Wormley 
for the book of poems? 

Jessica. Yes. Tell him I shall read it—every 
line—with Captain Merriman. 

Sarah. Captain Merriman is in no position 
to read poetry! (She exits l.) 

(Merriman comes out from behind the couch as 

Jessica laughs.) 

Merriman. She never said a truer word. Now 
I’m off! I’m on special duty. There’s a spy in the 
neigborhood and I’m hot on his trail. 

Jessica. Mother read about it in the newspaper. 

Merrimn. A code book’s been stolen from head¬ 
quarters. If I find the spy and he puts % up fight,— 
we may be married to-day! 

Jessica. You mean - ? 

Merriman. He may wound me,—yes ! 

Jessica. Lovely! But a flesh-wound will be 
enough, Clyde! 

Merriman. All right, I’ll tell the spy just to pink 
me! 




14 


CUPID IN KHAKI 

I Ellen Williams enters l.) 

V ' 


Ellen. Your Mother’s gone out, Jessica. 

Jessica. Everything’s all right, Ellen. Clyde’s 
off on a dangerous duty and may be wounded. If 
he’s wounded, I’ll marry him—for I’ve pledged my¬ 
self to marry a wounded soldier. Yes, I joined the 
society for finding wives for wounded sailors and 
soldies. 

Ellen. Jessica ! What will your Mother say? 

Jessica. She can’t say a thing,—that’s the beauty 
of it! I’m pledged! And Ellen, dear, I entered 
your name as a member of the society.: 

Ellen. What? 

Jessica. I knew you weren’t engaged, and that 
you never would marry except from a sense of 
duty. Think how noble you will feel as the wife 
of a crippled defender of your country’s honor! 

Ellen. See that my name is crossed from the 
list of membership at once! I’m not eligible for 
the society! I’m—I’m—I’m already engaged ! 

Jessica. I don’t believe it! You said not ten 
minutes ago that you were a man hater and that you 
didn’t know what love meant! 

Ellen. That—that was ten minutes ago ! I’ve— 
I’ve been engaged for months. My engagement is 
a deep secret. 

Jessica. What’s the name of your fiance? 

Ellen. I don’t remember—I mean it’s none of 
your affaip ! I refuse to join your society for crippled 
marriages ! I’m already engaged ! 

Jessica. You’ll have to prove it! I won’t believe 
it until I see the picture at least, of the man you are 
to marry! Come, Clyde, I’ll let you out of the 
front door. 

Merriman. Invite the man you love to tea. 
Miss Williams, then shoot him up and marry him. 
It’s easy! {He kisses his right arm) Good-bye, 



CUPID IN KHAKI 


i5 

right arm, do your bit! (He puts his right arm 
about Jessica) 

Jessica. Ciyde ! ( Jessica and Clyde exit l. As 
Ellen looks off after them , Maggie enters r., and 
tip-toes up to the book-case; she takes the photo¬ 
graph from its place of concealment, looks at it 
and sighs. She puts it to her lips and kisses it. 
Ellen turns and sees her do so) 

Ellen. Maggie! 

Maggie. Lor, ma’m, how you startled me! 
(Puts the picture behind her back) 

Ellen. You were kissing the photograph of a 
man ! Who is he ? 

Maggie. He’s—he’s—he’s my cousin, ma’m ; he— 
he—he was killed in the battle of the submarines. 
Don’t say anything to Mrs. Stanton about it, will 
you now, ma’m. 

Ellen. Let me see the picture and I won’t. 
(Maggie hands her the photograph) Your cousin 
was quite a presentable man! A handsome 
man! 

Maggie. He was the pride of the clan, ma’m! 
Such lovely eyes he had, and such a winning way. 
And now he’s dead! (Handkerchief to eyes) 
Ellen. You were going to marry him? 

Maggie. Yes’m; we’d plighted our troth—but 
that’s all over! 

Ellen. Maggie, this photograph appeals to me. 
I am very much in need of a photograph just now. 
This one seems safe and sound. Will a dollar in¬ 
duce you to part with it? (Takes a bill from reti¬ 
cule) 

Maggie. Oh, ma’m, a cousin’s only a cousin, 
especially when he’s killed, but a dollar’s always 
a dollar! It’s a bargain, ma’m. 

Ellen. Good! (She hands Maggie the dollar) 
Maggie. It’s Mrs. Stanton come back! Don’t 
tell her where you got the picture, ma’m! 



16 


CUPID IN KHAKI 


Ellen. Never fear. And don’t you tell, Mag- 

gie! 

Maggie. Cross my heart to die, never! 
(Maggie exits r. as Sarah enters l., followed in 
by Jessica) 

' Sarah. Ellen—Jessica tells me you are engaged ! 

Who is the lucky man? v 

Jessica. If you have a secret, Ellen, it’s safe with 

us! Who’s the man? 

Ellen. Here’s his picture! ( She speaks in a 
mournful tone as she hands the photograph to Jes¬ 
sica, and Jessica and Sarah look at it) He’s fight¬ 
ing somewhere in France,—God knows where ! He 
was wounded in the battle of the submari—in the 
battle of the Somme. He was decorated with the 
Victoria Cross and the medal of the Legion of 
Honor. Still he fights on, for liberty and for me! 
You have forced me to confess a secret I never 
meant you to know, for my love for him is so great 
that I can’t bear to talk of it. Don’t ask me his 
name—I can’t tell you ! (She takes the picture from 
Jessica and presses it to her lips) 

Jessica. He’s wonderful, Ellen! How you must 
have suffered all this time! 

Sarah. I’ve seen his picture, before, somewhere! 
Ellen. It was in all the papers when he won the 
Victoria Cross. Perhaps now, Jessica, you will re¬ 
move my name from the membership of the society 
for the marriage of maimed sailors and soldiers! 

Jessica. Of course, I will, dear! Mother, I am 
a full-fledged member of the Society! I have 
pledged myself to marry a wounded soldier. 

Sarah. Jessica ! (She sinks to a chair ) What 
of Clvde Merriman? 

j 

Jessica. Pie is on his way to get wounded now! 
Sarah. What? (Rises. Robert Telford looks 
in at the zuindow, rear) 


CUPID IN KHAKI 17 

Telford. Hello! Is Clyde Merriman here? I 
missed him at the barracks. 

{The three turn and see him.) 

Sarah. Ellen,—It’s the original of the photo¬ 
graph ! 

Jessica. {To Telford) She’s here! Come in 
by the front door! (Ellen sinks to a chair, panic- 
struck, as Telford withdraws from window and 
Jessica runs out l.) 

Sarah. Your lover has returned from France! 

Ellen. Ye Gods! {She laughs hysterically, 
handkerchief to face. Sarah turns l. Maggie 
enters r. Ellen seizes Maggie by the arm) 

Ellen. You said your cousin was dead! He’s 
alive, he’s here ! 

Maggie. Holy St. Patrick ! 

(Jessica runs in l., followed by Robert Telford.) 

Jessica. Ellen—it’s Lieutenant Telford! He 

told me his name. Lieutenant, here is your fiancee! 

Telford. My who? 

Sarah. Ellen Williams, the girl you are engaged 
to marry! 

Jessica. She’s so happy at your return she can’t 
speak! Ellen, dear, control yourself,—it’s your 
lover! Why didn’t you tell me he was Clyde’s 
chum! 

Telford. There’s some mistake. 

Sarah. Don’t try to keep your engagement a 
secret any longer! 

Jessica. Ellen was just kissing your photograph ! 

*0 

{During this, Maggie tip-toes l., back of the others, 
with long strides, seeking safety in flight. She 
exits l. Ellen turns and faces Telford 
bravely, meeting him center.) 







t8 CUPID IN KHAKI 

Ellen. I did tell them I was engaged to you,— 
but—but- 

Telford. They’re right! We mustn’t keep our 
engagement a secret any longer! You’re the pretti¬ 
est thing I ever laid eyes on! Ellen! (He takes 
her hands and starts to kiss her.) 

Ellen. ( Frees herself quickly) Oh how dare 
you! 

Telford. We’re engaged, aren’t we? 

Ellen. What do you mean? 

Telford. I mean I’m going to marry you! 

(Telephone rings. Sarah crosses R v front and 
takes up the receiver.) 

Sarah. Hello. Yes, Miss Jessica Stanton is 
here This is the Society to furnish wives for 
maimed sailors and soldiers? You’ve just sent up 
a soldier to marry Miss Stanton? His name is 
Joe Smith? He ought to be here? 

% 

(Jessica gives a scream. The others startled.) 

Jessica. Tell them I can’t marry him! 

Sarah. ( Receiver to ear) They say there’s no 
one else to marry him, they say you’ve pledged 
yourself to marry a maimed soldier! 

(Maggie runs in l., excited.) 

Maggie. ■ There’s a soldier here named Smith, 
he says he’s come to marry Miss Jessica! 

(Joseph Smith enters l., a patch over one eye, 
his , left arm in a sling and a bandage on his 
leg.) 

Smith. Where’s me honey-darlin’? Which one 
of ye is Jessy? 




CUPID IN KHAKI 


19 

(Maggie points to Jessica as Jessica faces Smith, 
horrified, and motions him hack.) 

Smith. Sweetheart! {He advances to Jessica. 
Jessica faints. Smith catches her, holding her 
limp form on his right arm. Telford turns to 
Ellen, zvho flouts him. Maggie throws her hands 
in holy horror. Sarah gibbers into the telephone) 


Curtain. 


ACT II. 

Scene: The same. Ten minutes later. Joseph 
Smith is discovered seated at the telephone, 
r., front, talking into the instrument. 

Smith. Well, give me the boss, then; I want 
to talk with the girl at the head of your society 
for tying-up us poor soldiers with females that 
ain’t affinities. Is this the boss? Well, listen 
here, kid. I’m all for the matrimonial knot and 
ready to sniff the orange-blossoms, but there’s 
nothing doing with this Jessy! She ain’t my style. 
Nothing in the canary line for mine ! Gimme a dame 
with class. There’s another girl here that just 
suits me to a T. Switch me over to her, will ye? 
(Ellen Williams enters r., pauses, listening) 
Her name is Maggie. Some style about Maggie! 
She can have me as soon as ye say so! .... Not 

on your list? Oh, I’ve got to marry Jessy, have 
I ? Hold on,—wait till I tell ye what I think of 
your matrimonial trap for helpless soldier-lads! 
(Clicks hook) She’s rung off! ( Hangs up receiver 
and rises) It’s Maggie for mine ! 




20 CUPID IN KHAKI 

Ellen. ( Crosses center ) Maggie is engaged to 
marry her cousin. Lieutenant Robert lelford! 

Smith. She is, is she? Where is this Telford 
feller? 

Ellen. He left as soon as Mrs. Stanton carried 
your fiancee to bed ! Poor Jessica ! 

Smith. He left, did he? There’ll be nothing 
left of him when his leave of absence is up! 

Ellen. Aren’t you worried about Miss Stanton? 

Smith. I am that! I’m worried for fear she’ll 
get up again! Bed is the best place for her! Let 
her stay there! Engaged to his cousin Maggie, 
is he? I’ll see about that! (Calls) Miss Maggie! 
(Smith exits r. Robert Telford enters l. Ellen 
starts, and crosses quickly to the door, r.) 

Telford. Don’t run away,—please don’t! I’ve 
been watching my chance to see you alone. (He 
crosses r. of the center-table) 

Ellen. You’ve humiliated me enough as it is. 
One step nearer and I shall leave the room. 

Telford. Did you really kiss my photograph? 

Ellen. Now you are ridiculing me! This ends 
it! Good-bye! (She turns to leave the room) 

Telford. Wait! You wear a nurse’s uniform. 
It isn’t the girl in you I appeal to, it’s the nurse! 
I’m wounded. 

Ellen. Wounded? (Telford nods) Where? 

i 

(Telford puts his hand behind him and dips his 
finger into a bottle of red ink on the table. He 
holds up his red and dripping finger.) 

Telford. Look ! 

Ellen. Oh, you poor thing! (She runs to him 
and places a chair for him) You must be weak 
from loss of blood. Sit down. I’ll bind it, bandage 
it! How it must pain you! How brave you are 1 
Don’t move, I’ll have it fixed in a jifify! (Telford 




CUPID IN KHAKI 


21 


seats himself with a happy smile. Ellen takes a 
bandage from the zvork-basket on table, unrolls 
three or four yards of it and Zviad's it about Tel¬ 
ford's finger as she sits beside him and they talk) 

Ellen. There’—how’s that? 

Telford. Divine! 

Ellen. I apologize for saying I was engaged 
to you, Lieutenant Teford. 

Telford. Please don’t! 

Ellen. But I thought you were dead, and I 
knew you were going to marry your cousin Maggie. 

Telford. How you must love me! Who is my 
cousin Maggie? 

Ellen. Your fiancee! 

Telford. You are my only fiancee, past, present 
and future! I’ve dodged love and bullets all my 
life, but when a man’s hit, he’s hit! I’ve escaped 
the bullets so far, but you’ve taught me what love 
is. 

Ellen. But Maggie! She kissed your photo¬ 
graph ! In fact, I got the photograph from her! 

Telford. Maggie—she’s no cousin of mine— 
must have stolen the picture! She’s welcome to— 
the photograph! Why won’t you take the original ? 
I’m an aviator, and a friend of Clyde Merriman. 
He’ll vouch for me. I spend most of my-time up in 
air. I’m there now. Don’t bring me to earth, will 
you ? 

Ellen. That would be cruel, especially when 
you’re wounded! (She finishes binding the finger) 

Telford. (As they both rise) Ellen, then you— 
you-? 

Ellen. Well, I did kiss your photograph! 

(As Telford starts toward her Jessica enters r.) 

Jessica. Has Private Smith gone? Ellen, Ellen, 
what shall I do? Where’s Clyde Merriman? 





CUPID IN KHAKI 


22 


Ellen. Do? Think how noble it is to marry 
a crippled defender of your country’s honor! 

Jessica. Don’t! I wish I’d never heard of that 
old society! If only Clyde were here! 

Telford. I’ll find him for you, Miss Stanton! 

Jessica. Oh, thank you! To think that you and 
Ellen have been engaged all this time! It’s wonder¬ 
ful ! 

Telford. Wonderful? It’s a miracle ! Congratu¬ 
late me ! {Holds out his hand. Jessica shakes it) 

Ellen. Careful of his finger! It’s wounded! 

Jessica. Oh! What have I done? {The bandage 
comes off Telford’s finger as Jessica shakes hands 
zvith him) Why, that isn’t blood! That’s red ink! 

Ellen. Red ink? You don’t need a nurse, 
Lieutenant Telford, what you need is a blotter! 

Telford. I’ll—I’ll find Clyde, I’ll come right back! 
{He exits quickly l., confused . Jessica looks r v 
in alarm) 

Jessica. It’s Joe Smith coming back! Save me, 
Ellen! 

Ellen. It isn’t Smith,—it’s Captain Merriman! 

Jessica. Clyde? 

(Clyde Merriman enters r., on crutches, a bloody 
bandage around his head. The two girls re¬ 
gard him zvith startled amazement.) 

Clyde. Victory! I’m wounded, Jessica! Call 
in the minister! 

Jessica. Oh, Clyde, what’s happened, who blew 
you to pieces? {To Ellen) Call back the Lieu¬ 
tenant,—tell him Clyde is here! 

Ellen. Yes, yes; don’t let Captain Merriman 
go, Jessica! What a glorious chance to practice 
my first-aid-to-the-injured! (Ellen exits l. Jes¬ 
sica leads Clyde center) 

Jessica. Are your wounds serious? 

Clyde. Serious enough to get married on! 



CUPID IN KHAKI 


23 


Jessica. Did you find the spy? 

Clyde. Suspicion points to—guess who! Mr. 
Wormley! 

Jessica. How lovely! 

Clyde. His house is being searched while he’s 
out. They hadn’t found the missing code-book when 
I left. Ring up the minister, Jessica! 

Jessica. It’s too late! You weren’t wounded 
soon enough ! I’ve got to marry another man ! The 
Society for the marriage of maimed sailors and 
soldiers sent up a wounded soldier for me to marry, 
Clyde! There’s no escape! I’ve pledged myself! 

Clyde. Another man? Where is he? {He 
throws down his crutches and tears the bandage 
from his head) 

Jessica. Why, you aren’t wounded at all! You 
were trying to trick me into marriage! 

Merriman. Where’s the man who thinks he’s 
going to be your husband? 

Jessica. It isn’t his fault that he has to marry 
me! 

Merriman. Weil, even the Society for misfit 
marriages can’t make you marry a dead one! Bring 
him on ! Where is he ? 

Jessica. I don’t know where he is ! I’ll warn 
him! {She runs out r.) 

Merriman. Warn him? (Robert Telford 
enters l. Merriman sees him) Bob! You here? 

Telford. Yes,—I’m engaged to marry the pret¬ 
tiest girl ever! 

Merriman. {Angry) So it’s you, is it ? You’re 
the man who thinks he’s going to marry her! You, 
my friend, try to steal my girl! 

Telford. Your girl? She’s going to marry me! 

Merriman. Get out of this house! 

Telford. Not much! {They grapple center , 
fighting. Telford speaks as they separate for a 
moment) Marry Ellen, will you? 





24 CUPID IN KHAKI 

Merriman. Ellen? I’m going to marry Jes¬ 
sica! 

Telford. Ellen Williams is my girl! 

Merriman. Why didn’t you explain? ( Holds 
his foot up in his hand) 

Telford. You didn’t give me a chance to ex¬ 
plain ! Have I hurt your foot ? 

Merriman. Yes, bully for you ! You stepped on 
it! I’m really wounded ! Ring the wedding-bells ! 
(He sits on couch l. front, laughing) 

Telford. (Center, serious) I don’t see anything 
f unny in it! 

(Joseph Smith enters r.) 

Smith. Which one of ye is the Telford lad? 
Telford.- I am Lieutenant Telford! 

Smith. Marry your cousin Maggie, will ye? 
Not if I know it! (He starts angrily toward Tel¬ 
ford, who puts up his fists) 

Telford. Next! No, I can’t fight a one-armed 
man! 

(Smith knocks Telford into a chair with one 

szveep of his arm.) 

Smith. I see that ye can’t! Get up quick, till 
I knock ye down again! Your cousin Maggie has 
no use for ye! 

Telford. (Risds) I haven’t any cousin Maggie ! 
Smith. She’s your fiancy girl! 

Telford. I am engaged to Miss Ellen Williams! 
You, I believe are the future husband of Miss Jes- 
Jessica Stanton! 

Merriman. (Springs to his feet) What? You’re 
the wreck they’re trying to palm off on Jessica? 
(He limps angrily tozvard Smith. Telford crosses 
R. with a laugh) 








CUPID IN KHAKI 


25 


Smith. {To Merriman) What’s that to ye? 

Merriman. You’ll know darned quick ! Defend 
yourself ! 

Telford. A one-armed man against a one-legged 
man,—it’s a fair fight! Go to it! 

Merriman. Leave the house never to return and 
I’ll spare you! 

Smith. I’m here under orders, and I never quit 
under duty yet! {As they are about to fight, Mag¬ 
gie runs in r., and dozen betzveen them) 

Maggie. Holy St. Patrick! {To Merriman) 
Would ye hurt my Joe? {She flings both arms 
about Smith’s neck) 

Telford and Merriman. Your Joe? 

(Sarah Stanton looks in the zvindozu rear.) 

Sarah. Jessica! (Telford and Merriman see 
Sarah, and startled, throzv up their hands. Telford 
exits quickly r v and Merriman, at the same time, 
exits quickly l. Sarah calls) Captain Merriman! 
Wait! {She zvithdrazes from the windozv) 

Smith. Do ye mean that, Maggie? Am I your 
Joe? Ye don’t love your cousin? 

Maggie. He’s no kin of mine, Private Smith, 
nor the man' that I could marry either. But you’ve 
gone and got engaged to Miss Jessica! 

Smith. I have, worse luck! D’you think she’ll 
hold me to it? 

Maggie. A fine lad like ye? She’ll march ye 
to the altar with a six-shooter, I’m thinkin’. There’s 
not a doubt of it! 

Smith. {Trembles) Maggie, darlin’, is there 
no way ye can save me? 

Maggie What’d ye do now, if ye got saved from 
her matrimonial snares? 

Smith. Can ye ask? {Takes her hand) I’d 
say “ Miss Maggie, I’ve got a whole heart, will ye 




26 


CUPID IN KHAKI 


take it for life and me a’ong with it?” ' (Maggie 
turns away with a simper, and sighs ) And what d 

ye sav, Maggie? 

Maggie. Id say—I’d say— “ Ye’ve taken me by 
sudden surprise, Private Smith, but ye 11 need no 
six-shooter to lead me to the altar.” 

Smith. Maggie, darlin’! {He starts to embrace 
her. Maggie drazvs away) 

Maggie. P>ut ye’re not saved from the matrimon¬ 
ial snares you’re tangled up in, Private Smith, and 
it looks like Miss Jessica’d win ye! 

Smith. Suppose I cut and run? 

Maggie. Pit marry nary slacker nor deserter! 
Pst! I’ve aot the scheme ! 

u 

Smith. Out with your nefarious idea! 

Maggie. Wait here ! If me scheme’s as nefarious 
as ye think it is, it’ll save us both! Wait here till 
I see if it works! 

Smith. Suppose Jessy tries to marry me before 
ye get back ? What’ll I tell her ? 

Maggte. Tell her nothin’! Pretend ye’re going 
to obey orders and marry her! If ye let on there’s 
anything doing, she’ll spoil my scheme, and ye’ll 
have to marry her! Stand hard and fast! Pretend 
3^e’re going to do your duty! I’ll return in time 
to save ye! 

Smith. {Trembles) Suppose ye don’t return 
in time, Maggie ? 

Maggie. Leave all to me! (She exits l. Sarah 
enters r.) 

Sarah. Prviate Smith, — I believe Smith is the 
name ? 

Smith. Correct, ma’m. 

Sarah. By an unfortunate train of circumstances 
it appears that you consider yourself engaged to 
marry my daughter, Miss Jessica. I need not say 
that such a union is preposterous! 

Smith. That’s right, you needn’t say it, ma’m. 



CUPID IN KHAKI 


27. 

Sarah. I believe you are going to listen to rea¬ 
son. I have other plans for my daughter. She is 
destined, in fact, to be the wife of a rich banker, 
Mr. Wormley. Jessica considers herself pledged 
to you, but if you make it clear to her that it is not 
your intention to marry her, I will—er—reimburse 
you for your lost time. ( She opens her reticule) 

Smith. Ye mean ye’d pay me to give your 
daughter the mitten? (Sarah nods) If ye’d tried 
to bribe me a half hour ago, I’d have listened to ye 
gladly, but ye’re too late ! It might spoil the scheme ! 

I mean I’m under orders, ma’m, I’m ready to do my 
duty. I’m not the man to be bought by a bribe, not 
me! I’ll marry Jessy, ma’m,—only tell her there’s 
no rush! 

Sarah. You will attempt to force my daughter 
to marry you ? We shall see ! ( She calls) Jessica ! 

Smith. ( Alarmed, looks' around, goes up to 
window) Don’t—don’t—don’t hurry her, ma’m! 

Sarah, (r. and calls) Jessica, where are you? 

Smith. Maggie, Maggie, come quick or it’ll be 
too late! 

(Jessica enters r. Smith jumps through the win¬ 
dow rear as he sees her and disappears from 
sight. Clyde Merriman enters l.) 

Sarah. Jessica, tell this soldier exactly what 
you think of him! 

Jessica. I think you’re the only man I’ll ever 
marry! 

Sarah. You want to marry Smithf (Turns) 
Captain Merriman! 

Jessica. Clyde! You’re limping! 

Merriman. real wound this time! Mrs. 
Stanton, I want to marry your daughter. 

Sarah. Mv daughter is as good as engaged to 
Mr. Wormley! 



28 CUPID IN KHAKI 

Merriman. Mr. Wormley is under suspicion as 

3. SPV. . . , 

Sarah. A spy! I don’t believe it! A sentimen¬ 
tal man is never a traitor. Only this morning he sent 
Jessica a book of poems, “ Love s Lyrics. (She 
takes the book from the table. Robert Telford en¬ 
ters r., follozued in by Ellen Williams) 

Telford. We’ve got the goods on Wormley! 
We haven’t found the missing code book, but he 
mailed it late last evening. 

Ellen. Yes,—it was bound in red morocco! 

Telford. What’s that book you have in your 
hands, Mrs. Stanton? 

Sarah. This? A book of poems. 

Telford. Let me see it, please. (Takes it) 
Where did you get this? 

Sarah. Mr. Wormley sent it. 

Telford. I thought so! 

Sarah. It’s “ Love’s Lyrics.” 

Telford. It’s the missing code-book! 

Sarah. (As the others start) Impossible! 

•*>» 

(The telephone rings. Ellen answers it.) 

Ellen. Hello! Mr. Wormley arrested? Jailed! 
(Sarah sinks to chair zvith a cry. Jessica goes to 
her. Telford takes the phone quickly from Ellen 
who also goes to Sarah. Telford speaks into the 
phone) You’ve got the right man! The code¬ 
book’s here! He mailed it to Mrs. Stanton. . . . 
Put Mrs. Stanton under arrest? Good ! (Hangs up 
receiver) You’re under arrest as Mr. Wormley’s 
accomplice, Mrs. Stanton! 

Sarah. (Rises, clutches the girls) Ellen! Jes¬ 
sica ! Captain Merriman! # 

Telford. I am sorry, but the stolen code-book 
was found in your possession. I am obliged to escort 
you to the lock-up! Will you come quietly? 


CUPID IN KHAKI 


29 


Sarah. Captain Merriman, I appeal to you! 
W ill you see me suffer this indignity ? Allow me to 
endure this disgrace? 

Merriman. You have my deep sympathy, Mrs. 
Stanton, but really, I don’t see how I can inter¬ 
fere ! 

Sarah. I am innocent! 

Merriman. You are Mr. Wormley’s friend; you 
looked upon him as a son-in-law! 

Telfod. Now then, Mrs. Stanton! 

Sarah. Jessica! Ellen! 

Ellen. ( Crosses to Telford) Don’t take her 
into custody ! She’s really innocent! Mr. Wormley 
must have mailed the book here as a means of 
getting rid of it. He must have known he was 
watched. 

Jessica. (Crosses l., to Merriman) Yes, don’t 
you see, Clyde ? He put that false title on the book, 
knowing I’d never read it! 

Ellen. (To Telford) You’ll let Mrs. Stanton 
go? 

Telford. (Shakes head) I can’t do it. 

Jessica. (To Merriman) You’ll make Lieut¬ 
enant Telford release Mother? 

Merriman. (Shakes head) It’s out of the ques¬ 
tion ! 

Ellen. (To Telford) Not even for my sake? 
I’ll answer for her appearance when she’s wanted. 
(Telford folds his arms and shakes his head. Ellen 
puts her hand on his arm, pleadingly) Robert! 
(Telford smiles, wavers. Ellen speaks tenderly) 
Bob! 

Telford. (Unfolds his arms and turns to her) 
Ellen! 

Ellen. You’ll let Mrs. Stanton go? 

Telford. On one condition! That youll marry 
me before I return to duty. 

Ellen. When do you return to duty ? 




CUPID IN KHAKI 


o J 


Telford. To-morrow! 

Ellen Oh! 

Sarah. Ellen, for my sake, sacrifice yourself! 
Marry him to-night! 

Ellen. No, not for your sake, Mrs. Stanton. 

But I will—for Bob’s sake! 

Telford. Ellen! ( He takes her in his arms) 

Merriman. 1 can’t permit Mrs. Stanton’s re¬ 
lease ! 

(They turn to him quickly.) 

Jessica. Clyde, you’ll break my heart if you make 
Mother go to jail! Release her, please! (Merri- 
man folds his arms and shakes his head) After 
all, the book was sent to me! Take me in Mother’s 
place! 

Merriman. ( Smiles, imfolds his arms) I will 
on one condition! That your Mother will let me take 
you for life! 

Sarah. Marry her? 

Merriman. Yes,—at the same time Bob marries 
Ellen! 

Sarah. This is taking an unfair advantage of 
me! 

Merriman. All’s fair in love and war; this is 
both! Either your daughter will accompany me to 
the altar or you will accompany me to the lock-up! 

Sarah. Jessica has had a lucky escape from 
Mr. Wormley! Perhaps, after all, a man who has 
his country’s welfare at heart is the man to look 
after my daughter’s welfare. In a choice between 
the altar and the lock-up, Captain Merriman, I select 
the lesser of the two evils,—the altar! 

Merriman. Jessica! ( He starts to kiss her. 

Joseph Smith enters r., and raises a protesting 
hand) 

Smith. Hands off! Jessy is booked to marry 
me ! She’s pledged herself ! 




I 


CUPID IN KHAKI 31 

Merriman. You are going to hold her to her 
pledge ? 

Smith. I’m no slacker! I stand ready to do me 
duty! If I don’t, I’ll spoil the nefarious scheme! 
I’m here to obey orders! 

Sarah. You won’t force my daughter to marry 
you ? 

Smith. I stand hard and fast! 

Jessica. I refuse to marry you! 

Smith. ( Stolid ) I’ll do me duty like a man! 

Telford. Listen to reason ! 

Smith. I listened to Maggie; she said to stand 
by me duty! Me duty is to marry Jessy! 

Ellen. Miss Stanton is to be married this eve¬ 
ning to Captain Merriman! 

Smith. That’s neither here nor there! I’ll do me 
duty! 

Merriman. I pUce you under arrest. Smith, 
for impudence and insubordination! 

(Smith starts. Maggie enters l., with a white 
veil pinned to her head and a lame red rib¬ 
bon fastened to her 7vaist. She comes down 
quickly .) 

Maggie. Toe! Has she married ye yet? 

Smith. Maggie! Praise be to Heaven! Ye’re 
in the nick of time! 

Sarah. Maggie, what does this mean? 

Maggie. It means that I’m a full-fledged member 
of the society to marry off maimed sailors and 
soldiers! I went down and ioined the order! 
(Points to red ribbon) Tis the badge of member¬ 
ship ! 

Jessica. But the veil? 

Maggie. Try your best to forgive me, Miss Jes¬ 
sica, for I had your name scratched off the book 
where it was written opposite the name of Joseph 
Smith, and had me own name written there instead ! 


\ 



32 


CUPID IN KHAKI 


Smith. Maggie, ye’re pledged to marry me? 

Maggie. I am! ’Tis a noble work the women 
are doing! 

Merriman. God bless the women! (He takes 
Jessica in his arms as Smith embraces Maggie, 
and Telford kisses Ellen. Sarah, at center, 
takes up a pair of the pajamas, shakes it out and 
re-folds it as she busies herself with her work ) 


Curtain . 










library 


OF 


CONGRESS 


















